Dear Robert,

I recently paid my wife an unannounced visit on her job. She had forgotten her lunch and I was bringing it to her. What I received was the shock of my life. My wife, who is a secretary for a Fortune 500 company, was having her neck and shoulders massaged by a good-looking co-worker. She sat at her desk and he stood behind her massaging her neck and shoulders. I heard their conversation and it looked and sounded innocent. After the guy finished the massage, he left and went into his office. My wife thanked him and went back to work.

I told my wife that while the massage might have been innocent, I didn't think it was proper and it could lead to other things. I also told her I didn't want that guy or any other man giving her massages. She said she would respect my wishes. However, she thought I was acting jealous and old-fashioned. I have no reason to suspect my wife is cheating on me or even thinking about it. Am I old-fashioned or do I have reason to be concerned?

C.J., Atlanta

Dear C.J.,

Did your wife pay for the massage? If so, then it was merely a service being performed for another for a fee. If however, she did not pay, then the question becomes: Why did this man (and your wife) feel comfortable enough with each other to engage in a hands-on form of relaxation? (Which, by the way, many intimate couples do for each other to create a sensual mood before lovemaking). Ask your wife if she would mind walking into your office to find a sexy woman massaging your neck and shoulders? Most couples who care deeply for each would be disturbed by this practice and I agree with you that it can, and often does, lead to other things.

Robert Stokes

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