Dear Robert,

I desperately need some advice. My husband and I have been married for ten years, but we have been living apart for the last three . This man has repeatedly hurt and humiliated me in front of my family and friends. Instead of me hating him, my feelings have increased tremendously despite the pain. I feel now that I love him more than I ever thought possible. I live alone with our children, supporting myself in the hope that my husband will straighten out his problem and come back to me.

C.W. Perry, Georgia

Dear C.W.,

You seem to be a player in a game known as "kick me." Why do you keep going back for more humiliation and pain at the hands of your husband? It is not natural for love to increase with the increase of abuse. Your children will suffer serious psychological harm if they continue to see this behavior by their father as acceptable to their mother. Do you really want to give your children the message that it is okay for their future mates to treat them this way? Whether you believe it or not, children grow up repeating the behaviors they see when they are young. Please get some good therapy to help you overcome the belief that you deserve mistreatment, for your children's sake if for no other reason.

There is alot of good therapy available for free in most cities in Georgia. Call the mental health department located in your area (look in the yellow pages under "mental health" or "therapy." Someone will be able to connect you with inexpensive counseling services. Consider the fact also, that your husband has a financial responsibility to your children. Contact your local child support office (located within DFACS in most places) and begin proceedings to collect regular child support payments.

Robert Stokes

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