I have always loved October for many of the reasons you’d expect crisp fall leaves as they go through a series of shades (green, yellow, orange and a beautiful red), pumpkin spice, cooler temps to name a few.
But as a victim, just like the fall leaves went through many changes before each shade of color, so did my life. As a victim and survivor of domestic violence, this time is even more special to me. Domestic Violence Awareness Month provides an opportunity for people like me to share our stories, raise awareness of how to support and advocate for survivors, mourn those we’ve lost, and celebrate our healing and recovery.
For many of us, this month presents a rare opportunity to be open about what we’ve survived. It can be tough to open up and many of us just don’t. While some survivors can’t share their stories due to safety and legal concerns (and no one should feel pressured to share if you don’t want to). If you are a victim regardless of what it looks like, you are not alone.
In virtual support groups and survivor circles, you often hear that someone doesn’t feel comfortable sharing their struggle because, as people who haven’t been in our shoes, they just don’t get it or don’t seem to want to hear about it. But being a witness to these important steps of healing is incredibly important as it validates and confirms that you are indeed strong and able to regain control of your own life.
Healing the relationship within yourself will shape all other relationships in your life.
Every domestic violence survivor has a unique story. Tell your story, don’t let the enemy keep you bound. The road to safety and healing can be long and complex, riddled with court battles, debt, insecurity, and struggles with physical health, mental health, and often substance use. Recovering your self-esteem and security can be an ongoing, and a challenging process.
Looking back on my PAST SELF, this 22-year-old girl who was devastated by the end of her marriage and struggled to recover for so long, I WISH I’d known just how much there was to look forward to. I WISH someone had taken me aside and told me how much better life could be.
As a forty-six year domestic violence survivor, I have found myself on a continuous healing journey where sharing my story became my mission and ministry to help clarify and give vision to what it is like to be a victim, to bring hope to others, and continue to understand myself as a survivor.
My journey has been ongoing all these years, and I often wonder why. I can remember each day as if it was yesterday. I now know why, so I can be able to tell my story to someone who may be going through the same. This is more about my survival, not my struggle. I made it! I now give myself GRACE for what I did not know about domestic violence. Since I know now, I can tell you.
Domestic violence is violent, aggressive, and abusive behavior. A pattern to gain control and power. It comes in the form of physical, sexual, emotional, psychological, and verbal abuse. When speaking to the victims I refused to call them “Domestic Violence Survivors”, I identify them as “SURVIVORS”.
I realize that everything that happened to me in the past was only preparing me for the NOW! Don’t focus on how you were hurt but focus on your healing. You can choose to be a VICTIM or a person with a VISION. If you are in a violent relationship whether you are married, single or dating SPEAK UP, SPEAK OUT, and GET OUT as soon as you can. Know and believe that GOD didn’t create you for this. I choose not to be defined by my past, but my present.
You have fought a thousand battles from childhood to now and are still standing!
You have cried a thousand tears and still smiling.
You have been broken, betrayed, abandoned, rejected and beaten, but you still walk proudly, laugh loudly and live without fear, love without doubt.
You are beautiful, you are humble, and becoming what GOD desires, what GOD wants you to be.
As rates of domestic violence continue to rise, it’s essential that we keep spreading the word.
The first time I was asked to talk about what happened, it was hard. It is hard every time, but if it changes one’s life, it matters to me. Domestic Violence is such a personal issue, it is a secret to some. My goal now is to let others know that they are not in this struggle by themselves. IT IS MORE ABOUT YOUR SURVIVAL, not your struggle. The struggles along the way are only meant to shape you for your purpose. You never know how strong you are, until being strong is the only choice you have.
Today, I am happily married to the one God choose for me and I have been for the past 26 years. Willie James Carson, I thank you for showing and sharing your love with me.
God said in Jeremiah 29:11“For I know the plans I have for you, plans to prosper you, and not harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.
God does not give us what we can handle; God helps us handle what we are given. I now know that my struggles bring me closer to GOD.
Don’t be a victim, Be a person with a vision…
